best commercial evvveeeeerrr

One of the things I love about the human mind is the willingness to assign, not just human physical traits, but a personality to just about anything. This ad embodies this idea better than anything I've ever seen. WIN.

awkward family televisions

What oh what could be put on the screen of this television to tempt people into buying it? Amazon, SHOW ME. Oh... haha, really?

thoughts on utility

So this week I went out for breakfast-for-dinner (HOLLER) with some friends at Randy's. One of the hallmarks of this spot is that the interior is pretty zany— hot pink and orange über retro furnishings, and for good measure, a collection of aerospace models hang from the ceiling. A shamelessly standard greasy spoon menu seals the deal. It's got a certain je ne sais quoi.

On this special day we stumbled on the crowning glory of Randys' weirdness. Enter, the toilet brush. It is displayed proudly on the bathroom counter - barf - but to conceal it, they've cleverly added this lace-ridden teddy bear number. If you MUST put something this visually offensive on a toilet brush, for god sake don't make it porous. Shit's gross, man.

hold please

Hold music seems to be distinctively awful no matter what line you happen to be on. This gem is the hold music for the conference call system at Microsoft. It's silly that they chose this song in the first place... and it's even sillier that the title for the song is "Kickin' It Hard". Listen to the preview... ain't nothin' hard about it.

i guess i like what i like

Today I bought two shirts from H&M... when I got home I set them on the table. I realized my new shirts and my chairs wanted to be friends. Coincidence? Maybe, but probably not.

DRAT!

I don't know what's better... the astonishingly bad acting? Or the realization that humans are helpless and can't get anything right.

the ad for abilify totally sold me. NOT.

I've seen the commercial for Abilify a few times. I mean, all of the drug commercials have some creepy risks, but this one has a) the longest list and b) the scariest things in that list. Thanks to the magic of DVR, I was able to transcribe it so we can slowly pour over all of the enticing details.

Here it is:

"I'm taking an anti-depressant, so how come I still feel depressed?"

Approximately 2 out of 3 people being treated for depression still have unresolved symptoms. Talk to your doctor. If an anti-depressant alone isn't enough, one option your doctor may consider is adding Abilify. Abilify treats depression in adults when added to an anti-depressant. Some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks after adding Abilify. Abilify is not for everyone. Call your doctor if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in behavior or thoughts of suicide. Anti-depressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. Elderly dimensia patients taking Abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. Call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion to address a possible life threatening condition— or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. High blood sugar has been reported with Abilify and medicines like it. In some cases, extreme high blood sugar can lead to coma or death. Other risks include decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious— dizziness upon standing, seizures, trouble swallowing and impaired judgment or motor skills.

"Adding Abilify has made a difference for me."

Talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of adding Abilify.

Permanent uncontrollable muscle movements? Seizures? Coma? Stroke? Death? And on top of that, it doesn't even work on it's own... it has to be added to an anti-depressant. SIGN ME UP!

But hey, people actually bought Olestra chips even though they cause anal leakage— so maybe there is hope for Abilify.

double whhaaaat?

Just in time for swimsuit season, KFC has introduced the Double Down Sandwich. I thought they would never be able to top the grossness of the Chicken & Biscuit Bowl, but that was before I ever considered sandwiching bacon and cheese - deep breath here - between two slabs of fried chicken... with a smattering of a mayonnaise-like orange goo, endearingly yet mysteriously termed Colonel's Sauce.

They offer a grilled chicken version of the little monster. If you're the type of person who likes to order bacon and cheese encased in chicken and you also care about shaving off 9 grams of fat – well, this is meal for you!

I was willing to give KFC the benefit of the doubt, after all, this could be breaking ground on their very few gluten-free options... but guess what? The grilled chicken isn't gluten-free. Where is the gluten? Honestly, what the heck ought to be starchy in grilled fucking chicken? This fact might freak me out even more than that creation up there. Errrr, maybe not.

the original hovercat

Ever wonder what's really going in there when your cat is cat-loafing? Looks like a glass table unlocked this mystery quite nicely for us.

the most obnoxious person to ever live

I really thought I had misplaced this screen capture forever. I stumbled on this listing when I was shopping for a used DVR over the summer. Last night as I was cleaning up my computer files I found it. Yay! Now we can all make fun of this guy long after his post was taken down!

It's hard to say what's worse: the all caps (which we all know is the text form of screaming), the extreme urgency and choppiness, or run on sentence that doesn't even end with a period. He must be scary and extreeeeemmmely impatient in real life.

celebrating martin luther king jr.

This morning I went to the post office and it was closed. I admit that I was annoyed at first... but then I remembered what this day means. Today we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.'s birth. Having grown up in the American South, his contributions hold a particular weight for me. A little known fact: his son Martin Luther King III was denied admission to the very same school that I graduated from, The Lovett School. True story. He taught the world in a way no other has since about equality and non-violence. I'm reading what I've written so far and it all sounds so clunky... such ordinary words for an extraordinary man. Of course his own voice describes the message best. So here's the full audio of the gorgeous, moving, and transformative "I Have a Dream" speech.





Goodness, I wish I was at home in Atlanta today to celebrate. But for now I'll just make a post. It's a little something.

My apologies for referencing this picture twice in my blog so far... I guess I'm a little in love with it... it's even hanging in my house.

[Go here if player isn't working... IE was giving me fits.]

who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker?

My goodness, I love this commercial.

pet peeve!

Why Do Some People Think That Capitalizing Every Word Is Necessary? I Don't Understand. Titles Get This Treatment, Not Sentences. This Is A Fail For Delta Lavatories... Sorry To Say.

today my blog got a makeover

Out with the old...

... in with the new.

I changed a few things other than the header... I also updated font colors and what not. Yay for surface-level knowledge of CSS! For me it's like watching a soap opera in Spanish. I can only sort of deduce what is going on. :)

introducing the coca-cola tallboy.

So simple, yet so genius. I think we can all agree on the descending order of Coke tastiness: fountain, glass bottle, aluminum can, plastic bottle. If you want more than 12 ounces and can't find a fountain- odds are you're stuck with the dreaded and inferior plastic bottle. But NO MORE!

[And yes, I realize that made two Coca-Cola posts within a few days of each other.]

breakroom ad du jour

Maybe I'm being criticle, but it seems to me that a minimum bar for a dentistry ad should be to include people who have teeth. I think they're trying to be cute... still, being cute ought not to come at the high cost of making zero sense.