wow, that wasn't helpful.

Step 1: Break apart chopsticks.
Step 2: The picture won't help you, but you just hold them in your hand the way you are supposed to hold chopsticks. Figure it out.
Step 3: Since you're holding them perfectly with no real instruction, just start picking up food. That's what chopstick are for... picking up food.

These instructions are supposed to be a courtesy, but it seems more like they're mocking people who don't know how to use them... like, "Let me help you. Well, you just do it, stupid."

ratatouille’s ratatouille

I love Pixar. I love cooking... so making this dish was, well, lovely.

A little back story: Pixar, since they're the smartest/coolest people ever, took learning about food quite seriously while making Ratatouille. This involved taking cooking classes, dining in Parisian restaurants, and spending some time with famed chef Thomas Keller. One of the contributions Keller made to the film was the re-imagined version of this French classic. I must admit it was a little odd to make the fancy pants version before a traditional one... but, come on, it was fun. Much thanks to Smitten Kitchen for digging up this recipe and making it more visible to people like me. My version was somewhat of a hybrid of the super intense Confit Byaldi (Keller's version) and the abridged Smitten Kitchen take on it.

For the sauce:
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup finely diced yellow onion
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 1/3 cup canned crushed tomatoes
1/4 cup roasted red peppers, drained and chopped finely
1 sprig thyme (optional)
1 sprig parsley (optional)
1/2 bay leaf (optional)
1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt

For the vegetables:
1 zucchini (4 to 5 ounces)
1 Japanese eggplant, (4 to 5 ounces)
1 yellow squash (4 to 5 ounces)
2 or 3 Roma tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
2 teaspoons olive oil
1/8 teaspoon thyme leaves
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper


Preheat oven to 375. Combine oil, garlic, and onion in medium skillet over low heat until very soft but not browned, about 8 minutes. Add tomatoes with their juices. Next add thyme, parsley, and bay leaf (if using). Simmer for about 10 minutes until little liquid remains, do not brown; add chopped roasted red peppers. Season with salt, then remove and discard herbs. Spread the mixture in the bottom of 8-inch skillet or round pan.

Trim the ends off the eggplant, zucchini, yellow squash, and tomatoes; cut into very thin slices approximately 1/16-inch thick. Atop the tomato sauce, arrange slices of prepared vegetables concentrically from the outer edge to the inside of the baking dish, overlapping so just a bit of each flat surface is visible, alternating vegetables. You may have a handful leftover that do not fit.

Sprinkle garlic, oil, and thyme leaves over vegetables; season the top with salt and pepper to taste. Bake tightly covered with foil for 40 minutes, then uncovered for 15 minutes more. (If you've got time, bake at 275 covered for 2 hours, then uncovered for 30 minutes.)

Serve with crusty french bread (traditional) or with couscous (non traditional, but pretty darn good). Yields 4 servings as a side dish, 2 servings as a main.

the cheesiest song ever written

It's true, "Careless Whisper" wins the prize. Occasionally I'll hear it in a pharmacy or something, and I'll think to myself "How did they cram this much cheese into one song?"... mind you, the tone here is more one of reverence than criticism. I mean, the saxophone ALONE, come on.

I like to imagine the natural habitat for this song, if you will. A couple staring longingly into each other's eyes across a heavily shellacked dark wood table in the corner of a bar. She's wearing frosted pink lipstick and he's tapping his cigarette into a hunter green glass ashtray. And when the saxophone plays, he averts his gaze... dramatically closing his eyes. Oh yes. This song is disgusting perfection.